You know, I’ve made some pretty bad decisions in the past. Bad decisions with men, bad decisions with my actions, my food, my direction, my finances, my words …just dumb stuff.
Sometimes I just don’t want to get off the couch either, or talk to anyone. Sometimes I’d just rather beat myself up with ” oh shit, I did it again! I’ve f**ked up once more. Why don’t I learn”?
And I can apply that to a multitude of things in my life, as we all can. But there comes a time when enough is enough… If nothing changes nothing changes. Mindset, weight loss, business, the job, personal relationships. It’s now time to stop repeating the same pattern and just create the change.
But how do we do that?
How do we change a pattern that is deeply etched into our subconscious?
How do you just stop the bus, ask to get off and get on that other bus, the one going in the right direction?
How do you even know when to?
I look back at my life, and I love my life now, don’t get me wrong. It’s not perfect, I have many areas to work on. I am in a great place but boy have I made some horrendous f**k ups!
I’m sure you have had times in your life also where you come across the fork in the road. You stop…you ponder…you try and work out which direction you SHOULD take? Is it a logical decision or an emotional one? Your heart says one thing, your mind is telling you something else. But what does your gut tell you. It can be confusing to work out at times.
Sometimes it’s so overwhelming. There are so many variables, so many “what if’s”, so many reasons why we end up taking the path we do. And who’s to say those are wrong.
There is no right or wrong. It’s just what we did. But that doesn’t mean that at times, in hindsight we say to ourselves……
”Man if I could take back time, that’s where I’d change it”
Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Wonderful IF you get the lesson, and apply that lesson to life, meaning, you recognise a pattern and you change it.
Easily said than done right? To be honest, I have gone round and around that same mountain on many occasions, and I bet I am not the only one. And it’s so much easier when you are not the one on the horse. Everyone else can see it but you are the one who is emotionally involved in the decision, which makes it 10 times harder to get it right.
“If the horse is dead…DISMOUNT!!!”
But, it usually takes just one more heartache, one more f**k up, one more crisis, one more dress size, one more broken dream to finally realise that there is something more going on, that things will not miraculously change, that the kind fairy angels will not drop the miracle, the perfect man, the perfect body, 6 figure income, or the most amazing opportunity into you lap. It takes some work. And I don’t mean hard, labour intensive, time and energy taking, blood sucking work, I mean some work on self! Self forgiveness, self acceptance and self love.
Now, we can put a band aid on the real issue, and pretend that we are sorting ourselves out. There are a number of different ways we can do this.
There’s the medicinal wine at night…1 glass becomes a bottle or 4. Or the Friday night catch-ups with between woman in the same boat going around the same mountain, fuelling the fire.
There’s six months “under the Tuscan sun” in the Italian countryside where you go to find yourself (and a hunky Italian stud). But the problem is, it’s just geography, the issue is still there.
Or, there is the chance to lose yourself in various sporting goals and hobbies such as body shaping contests/experiences. And there’s nothing wrong with that, if done for the right reasons.Having been in fitness for the last 20 odd years, I have not only competed myself, but trained many woman to enter a competition, where you exercise and diet to look amazing and probably in the best shape ever. The trouble is, it’s not sustainable, often not real, and many woman come out the other side, having put back on the weight they lost, feeling even worse than before with more body image/self issues than previously.
Don’t get me wrong, I have no judgement in people who want to compete, I have just experienced many emotional upheavals with clients on this path, as well as dealt with many issues myself with how I felt about my body after I competed. And it wasn’t great. I think you really need to understand the reason why you want to go down this route.
How do I know this? BECAUSE I’VE BEEN THERE! I’ve done all of these…I know the motives behind the actions of the underlying sub-conscious beliefs, and the patterns of the ego driven self. And when the band aid loses it’s stick-ability, then the ugly wounds reappear.
Awareness, self-realisation, baring all, being vulnerable, admitting you’re not perfect and realising that it’s OK, is truly is the first step.
Take a step back from your life now, and look at where you’ve come from, what you have gone through, why you made the decisions you did and forgive yourself for the mistakes, the “wrong paths”, the disappointments, the heartaches, the failures.
To be able to express our feelings, truths, experiences, expectations and flaws takes guts. And to lovingly receive truths takes guts too.
So, how do we move on. Now that we have “bared” ourselves, shown our vulnerability, and decide that enough is enough, what is the next step?
It all starts in the mind. We have to change the thought process that is often deeply etched within our conscious and sub-conscious minds. The very first thought that pops into your mind the second a situation arises is the dominate thought. You have to change the dominate thought. And it takes time. It’s a process.
It may be a glance in the mirror and the first thought that comes to your mind is one of self-loathing, I’m fat, I’m ugly. Who would ever want me? Where did that come from?
You may be single and longing to be in a relationship and see the perfect couple spending time together and the instantaneous thought is that you are alone, and unloved.
Or you may listen to friends and colleagues talk about their fabulous long holiday they are about to take, and you feel straight away, that you will never have that sort of holiday because you are not wealthy enough.
These are just the tip of the ice berg. How do I know…..because I have had these very thoughts…often! We all have some story in our minds. A story that keeps us from our dreams and from our desires. A story that keeps us overweight, unloved, alone, poor and miserable.
This story is debilitating. So stop letting it take your power. For me, I have the discipline to go and exercise and train the way I need to train. I know what to eat and what I need to eat in order the body I want to have. That’s my genius.
But I have learned that I need to apply that same discipline in my mind, and take my power back. I have learned that I need to control the thoughts in my head as much as I can control what to do with my body. I am NOT saying this is easy…in fact, it’s just plain damn hard.
Sometimes, you just have to give yourself a pep talk, like…
“Hello. You’re a Queen. Don’t be sad. You’re doing great. Love you.”
Start changing your story…you really are the creator of your future.
Start changing the language you speak, and the words you think in your mind.
Start changing the way you feel……..and begin to imagine how you really want to feel…..not what’s around you at the present moment.
Start feeling slim, attractive, rich, successful, and totally utterly loved by all. Because you can be all that, and way more.
Be patient, things will get better.
Integrity is everything.
Love is not what you say, love is what you do…